Stephan Speaks | health
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“Men are supposed to be the hunters” is what a lot of people will say. According to these people it is your job as a man to initiate the pursuit of a woman, and to put in maximum effort to show her you want her. To some extent I completely understand that perception, but it can reach a point where it becomes flawed. A man should definitely be willing to do his part in the process of finding a good woman. However, he should not have to chase after any woman. So much wrong can occur for a man by over doing his pursuit to get to know someone, and create a relationship with them. This doesn’t mean every situation ends with negative results, but here are three reasons why in most cases it, chasing after a woman should be avoided. A Thin Line Between Desire & Desperation Everybody likes to feel desired. There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing someone you want them and truly want to be with them. However, there is a line that gets crossed when your pursuit turns into chasing. At first it may not seem too bad, but as mentioned in the book He Who Finds A Wife,  a man will eventually start to look desperate (thirsty), and women do not find that attractive. As a man you to find the right amount of showing effort and desire, without taking things unnecessarily too far. If a woman isn’t receptive to your efforts, then she likely just isn’t interested. If she does have some interest, but thinks a man is supposed to chase after her, then take heed to what’s next on this list. A Sign Of Trouble To Come How you start can be exactly how you finish. When finding yourself in the position of chasing after a woman, you have to understand what you may be setting the stage for. If you succeed in getting her, are you prepared to have a dynamic where you are constantly expected to make more of an effort than she is? If not, then you may want to pump the brakes on this chasing thing. I am in no way saying this is how it always plays out for a man who chased after a woman, but it certainly is how things go for a lot of men who have. Many have found themselves in a relationship or marriage where the burden of effort is constantly placed on them, while the woman gets to take a wait and see approach. This only leads to bigger issues and more frustration later. A scenario you really will not want to deal with. An Unnecessary Distraction You know when you chase something, you become very focused on it. At times the desire to catch what you’re chasing will start to consume you. This is not going to be in your best interest. When you are chasing after a woman you have now taken your eyes off the bigger prize, which is your growth as a man. You will be so caught up in trying to find ways to get her, that you may essentially lose yourself in the chase. To make matters worse, if she isn’t truly the one for you, then you are only hindering your ability to receive the one who is. So one way or another you will now be getting in your own way, and if that chase doesn’t get you what you wanted, then you’ll likely end up hurt, damaged, and deflated from the process. Ultimately you are better served staying focused on what you need to do in your life. If she is interested, then let her meet you half way. If she can’t do that, then she is either not ready, not interested enough, or simply looking to take advantage of your desire for her. Continue to work on being the best man you can be, and in doing that, you will be able to attract the woman who is truly best for you….and you won’t have to chase her, because you two will be running towards each other to build a great and special relationship. Go and get your copy of the book He Who Finds A Wife today at www.hewhofinds.com you can also purchase your copy here on Amazon or in PDF format....

Is being monogamous natural? Are we trying to force ourselves to embrace monogamy when it isn't truly meant for us to live out? First lets look at the definition of monogamy found in Google: the practice or state of being married to one person at a time. the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner. So based on this meaning, is a monogamous marriage realistic? Can you be faithful and be with just one person at a time intimately? In this episode, Stephan discusses the hot topic of monogamy in relationships. Click the play button below to listen....

Cougar dating has become much more common these days. However some women are still struggling with feeling comfortable dating a younger man. In the first episode of Healing Heartbreak, Stephan tells you the most important thing to focus on in a relationship is a deep connection. Age doesn’t matter. Listen below:...

We’ve all heard the expression, “you never get a second chance to make a great first impression.” This statement couldn’t be truer than when it comes to first dates. First dates are an opportunity for both parties to see if they have anything in common with the other person, outside of a physical attraction. First dates also serve as a gateway to finding love. If you are a professional single, you have to be mindful of how you communicate both verbally and non-verbally, so that your first impression is indeed a great one. Knowing how to separate work from the rest of your life is a big asset. Some of the wonderful qualities that contribute to your success might not translate so well, on the dating scene and in relationships. The person sitting across from you wants to get to know more about you as a person, not about your resume or job description. Below are three chronic communication mistakes that professional singles often make on their first date. Take note and see if you’ve been guilty of any of these in the past. If you have, don’t be too hard on yourself. Simply make note of the mistake(s) and make plans to adjust your behavior, so you achieve better results on a future first date. 1.) Talking too much about work and about yourself You work hard, if you’re a lucky, you also love what you do. In your mind, there is nothing wrong with talking about your work and sharing it with a new person of interest. This is true only to a certain extent. More often than not, professional singles spend way too much time on the first date, talking about work and their careers. Sure, you spend a lot of time at work, so it is a major part of your life, but it’s only one part. Be sure not to focus too much on it. You might think it’s interesting, but this might not be the case for your date. If you’re not careful, this can make you come off as boring, unavailable, and self-absorbed. It will also seem like you have no life. All of which are major turn-offs. The same thing is true when talking too much about yourself. If your date asks you a question and you spend twenty minutes responding, it’s safe to say, you’re doing too much. Chances are by the time you finish; they will be one of two things; bored out of their minds or turned off or both. You’ve now spent a fraction of the date, making it all about you. Don’t do it to yourself or them. Give an overview and move on. Leave room for them to ask you more questions, which shows their interest. Even then, remember to do your best to be brief and redirect the conversation back to them, so that it is an even exchange. You’re there to get to know them too! 2. Not Listening A huge missing part of effective communication in relationships these days is our inability to attentively listen to the other person. However, this is the only real sign of interest that you can give your first date right off the bat. Not listening comes off as rude, arrogant and self-centered. Don’t cut them off in the middle of a sentence, don’t fiddle with your phone, answer a call, or allow your eyes to roam around the room constantly. When it’s your time to listen, you are also communicating a lot in the process. So, don’t spend the entire time caught up in distractions and miss out on getting to the know them. Listening is crucial to a successful relationship and important when wanting to really connect with someone. It’s best to put your best foot forward in this department from the beginning. If you need to work on it, here are some tips to help you become a better listener. When you listen, you listen with your ears of course, but also listen with your eyes, your body, and your mouth. Show you’re interested in them and what they are saying, by turning your body toward them, and leaning in their direction, especially if there is a lot of background noise. Listen to their words, but also focus on what they are saying and the messages that their words convey. This helps you follow-up with feedback that will help you get to know them better without seeming pushy. Make eye contact as much as possible, it shows they have your attention and you’re focused on what they have to say. Smile at them when doing all the other things above. J Being a good listener shows, you’re in tune with them and that you’re caring because you made the choice to give them your time and attention. Being a good listener is very sexy and will make you much more desirable to a potential mate. 3. Talking at/talking down to your date At work, you might be a manager or even the boss, and might be used to talking to people in a way that is authoritative and directive. This works at work, but not on a first date. Your date is not your subordinate, so be mindful of your tone and manner in which you speak to them. Be patience and open-minded. Don’t be so quick to be turned off or look for the flaws in them. Be respectful of the person, their time, and their interest. When you’re on a first date, if you feel like you aren’t interested for some reason, figure out a way to end the date quickly, but never result to talking at or talking down to your date. This is a major sign of disrespect, not only to them, but to you also. My last words of advice — loosen up! The first date is not an interview or a police interrogation. Don’t bring the stressed out person you were that morning at the 11 a.m. executive board meeting. Don’t bring your inner detective/secret service self, and remember to leave all of your dating repellent at home. You’re not there to scare them away; you’re there to give them reasons to be more interested in getting to know you a little better. Be your best self. I’m not saying to be phony or send your representative. However, you don’t have anything to prove. So, relax and enjoy yourself. It’s the only real way for you to see if there is any kind of real chemistry for things to eventually blow up…in a good way! By avoiding these big communication no-no’s, you’re in a better position to go from single to taken. ...

Since many things in life are out of our control, this week I want to focus on the one thing, Napoleon Hill says that is without a doubt, something we have control over, our thoughts. My last blog post talked about becoming a Love Magnet, being able to draw to you the person you desire. A big part of doing that is becoming a better you. This can be done by being more positive and exuding more positive energy. Here are 21 positive thinking quotes that you can use to create a better and more positive you. Revisit these as often as needed; to boost your energy and retrain your brain. Stop focusing on who you’re not, and start focusing on who you want to become, “you 2.0”. The new you, who has joy, peace, wealth, health and lasting love. When you change your thoughts, you can change your life…for the better. Positive Thinking Quotes: “Every storm shall pass. Stay focused, and keep moving forward.” Life CoachStephan Labossiere “Being miserable is a habit; being happy is a habit; and the choice is yours.” Tom Hopkins “Remember failure is preparation for victory. Welcome your failures, it means you’re one step closer to reaching your dreams.” Sheri Gaskins “Make the decision that nothing life has to offer is worth the price of worry.” Napoleon Hill, Think & Grow Rich “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him.” Sydney Greenberg “Look up, get up, and don’t ever give up.” Michael Irvin Be open and trust that God knows what you need and when you need it.” ~ Stephan Labossiere, God Where is My Boaz “It ain’t about how hard you get hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. ~ That’s what winners do.” Rocky Balboa “Love is a universal language, and everyone benefits by learning to speak it freely.” ~ C. Nzingha Smith “Happiness doesn’t have to be chased…it merely has to be chosen.” ~ Mandy Hale “Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.” ~ Sarah Bernhardt “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” ~ Maya Angelou “I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” ~ Lewis Carroll “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden “Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx “We can’t escape pain; we can’t escape the essential nature of our lives. But we do have a choice. We can give in and relent, or we can fight, persevere, and create a life worth living, a noble life. Pain is a fact; our evaluation of it is a choice.” ~ Jacob Held “The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.” ~ Oprah Winfrey “Optimism is the most important human trait, because it allows us to evolve our ideas, to improve our situation, and to hope for a better tomorrow.” ~ Seth Godin “Nothing truly stops you.  Nothing truly holds you back.  For your own will is always within your control.  Sickness may challenge your body. But are you merely your body? Lameness may impede your legs. But you are not merely your legs. Your will is bigger than your legs. Your will needn’t be affected by an incident unless you let it.” ~ Epictetus “Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives.” ~ Anthony Robbins “With every test, there is an opportunity for a testimony. Embrace the process.” ~ Stephan Labossiere These are great positive thinking quotes for you to embrace. There are a lot more you may like, but the bottom line is that you start to put more energy into reshaping your mind, and creating more positive thinking in your life. You won’t get far dwelling in a negative mindset. So say “no” to negativity, and say “yes” positive energy....

“Your mind is a magnet. You don’t attract what you need or what you want: you attract who you are. And I love who I am!” Carlos Santana Quote A magnet is a person or thing that has a powerful attraction. Something that is able to produce a magnetic field external to itself. Other synonyms for magnet are: lure, draw, and focus. The basic law of attraction is: like energy, attracts like energy. With that said, what energy do you put out in the world every day? Starting now, begin to pay attention to what you give off. When you enter a room, do you brighten it up or make it gloomier? Is your normal disposition negative or upbeat? Do you look for the good or the bad in everything? Do you smile when you meet someone? What type of people do you normally attract to you? Answering these questions, will give you a clearer picture of the energy you give off, possibly without even being aware of it. The good news is: you can make adjustments if you’re not getting the results in love you desire. Who you attract in love begins and ends with who you are fundamentally as a person. It has nothing to do with what you need and want. In order to attract a great partner and experience a wonderful relationship, you first have to learn how to love YOU. This is the first and most important step in becoming a love magnet and attracting the love you desire. There is no getting around this step. The first major successful relationship in your life should be with you (aside from the believer whose 1st relationship should be with God). You should take time now to get to know who you are and how you tick. How to better treat yourself and how you need to be shown love. Learning how to love yourself will help you learn how to love others better. It’s really a win/win. Here is a short list of things you can do to start becoming a love magnet: Learn how to love and treat yourself better a little everyday Treat yourself to at least one compliment a day. This means that instead of finding the one thing you don’t like about yourself. You find one thing you do like and say it out loud. For example; “nice hair.” Use positive adjectives to describe yourself when you’re talking to yourself or others about you. Express love to someone or yourself, everyday. Smile at your reflection in the mirror, it serves as an instant energy booster, helps to lift your spirits, and puts you in a better state of mind by easing any underlying anxiety. Treat yourself to something you like at least once a week that makes you feel special. It doesn’t have to be expensive or big. It’s the little things that add the most value to life’s experiences. Allow yourself time to rest and relax without feeling guilty or worthless. Reject any and all negative self-talk. Instead remind yourself of the good in you. Whatever you don’t like, embrace the power you have to change and improve. You Deserve To Experience Love! After reading this list of things to do, you might be thinking…“none of these things has to do with action steps I can take to improve my chances of catching a partner.” Well, you’re right, they don’t. Because I don’t want you to “catch” anyone, this term means you’ve put forth a lot of effort and most likely it will be in vein. I want you to be a love magnet and learn how to lure, draw, and pull to you the type of partner that is going to love, care and take care of you, like you would. As well as become comfortable with being able to give this love to your partner. Because a great relationship is all about giving. This is the point of the list. First you have to give these things to yourself. Once, you become good at loving on you, these qualities will become natural to you. Since, you aren’t overly critical with yourself, you won’t be with the man or woman you’re with either. You will know how to shower and express your love in healthy ways. You won’t be insecure or unloving. The improvements you make on yourself will magnetize your positive energy, in a way, that makes you draw to you who you are, because you’ve become someone you would want to be with. You will be a love magnet, and you will benefit greatly from it....